The results in Cavan-Monaghan: Fuck me baby one mo’ time!

So the votes have been counted. The Irish people have opted for a continuation of a third-world hospital system, schooling characterised by inequality and class over-crowding, and the perpetuation of a “cute hoor” culture with significant levels of background corruption and the protection of criminality and illegality so long as the perpetrators are party members, supporters or donors.

While I’m no economist I do know that much of our current “feel good” sense can be called the aero affect, as it is based on bubbles. The biggest is based on property prices. I am, however, an historian and I know that bubbles have a nasty habit of bursting - I have written a book on the subject. And when bubbles go “pop” a lot of people are left feeling rather bad - in fact much sicker than they could ever feel from eating dozens of bars of Aero. But sure, what matter? When that happens (as it surely will) we can always blame the fucking foreigners, the unemployed, the disabled, the travellers - the usual suspects - and we’ll keep voting for Destiny’s By-Children for ever and ever. The thing about getting kicked in the hole is that, after a while, you start to like it.

Once again the people of Cavan Monaghan have shot themselves in the arse. What has Fianna Fail ever done for Cavan or Monaghan, except see it as a grazing area on which their sons, daughters and relatives can graze, earning huge amounts of money in consultancy fees and stealing people’s ideas. The larceny of intellectual property is something Fianna Fail members in Cavan are particularly good at.

When people from Monaghan are compeled to wait hours for treatment in an already crowded hospital in Cavan, knowing that a bed is not to be taken for granted, they can be grateful to those people who at the election thanked Fianna Fail for running down their hospital.

I feel ashamed of most of those pubic (sic) representatives returned for Cavan - Monaghan. I know one thing: with one exception they don’t represent me. It’s not as if there weren’t good candidates. I am particularly annoyed that Joe O’Reilly was not successful. He has worked hard and has come up with some very good and forward looking ideas. That was probably his undoing. He belongs to the modern, progressive wing of Fine Gael, whereas the party in this constituency, it can be argued, is still dominated by the “Deacon Blue” faction, with strong links to organised Catholicism and which looks back with nostalgia to the days of the Army Comrades Association. This faction contained, it can be argued, would-be candidates disappointed not to have been given the chance to run themselves, including the descendant of a political dynasty who has a very poor opinion of the unemployed and the charm of a skunk with haemorrhoids. There is, of course, another Fine Gael faction in the constituency which we can call the Torty section. As everyone knows a torty or tortoise-sheel cat’s coat is a mixture of black and pale orange.

Joe is probably contemplating entering the legislature by the scenic route. My advice to him, as to anyone else who thinks of standing for election in this benighted hole, is: Don’t bother. The hoors aren’t worth it.