Fantasy Resignation Speeches

A new category here inspired by an email from Hag of Beara, we know there are a lot of you out there waiting in the long grass to write speeches for some of the TD’s to lose their seat.

But for our first speech, imagine the words of Liz O’Donnell thanks to HoB - if you are not already an author on Irishelection.com and have a speech for another candidate email us @ irishelection(at)gmail.com

Friends, admirers, fans and sycophants
The die has been cast- but not in my hair- its still sunkissed blonde- ALL OVER. It would seem that my time in the Dail restaurant is at an end. It’s been a blast folks. But there is a synchronicity to my departure as representative for the leafy burbs of Dublin South because I have other irons in the fire where I feel that I can more ably deport myself and my unique talents in more appropriate environs.

Before I tell you what lies in my future, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my colleagues in the Progressive Democrat: Mary its always a treat to work with another smart woman and I hope that the advice I gave you will stand you in good staid in your political future- peuce is not your colour dahling, stick with the autumn colours and remember a good pashmina does wonders in lifting a liitle black jacket to new heights of panache.

Colm, I’m sorry for making promises I couldnt keep, it would seem that my natural flirtatiousness over ran itself and I feel very responsible for popping your political cherry. It would be terribly wrong of me to let you believe that there could ever be any future in this political relationship, best to kiss and say goodbye - you older and more desperate, me- just more gorgeous and enigmatic.

Michael, we have had a stormy, sometimes pasive aggressive connection and all I can offer you is this, leave the lamp posts to the dogs in the street, keep taking the tablets and breathe.. breathe before legislating.

I take my leave of you now to assume my new week end duties as hostess of Gordon Ramsay’s new restaurant in Powerscourt, (I do love a man who’s a bit of rough and has a large wallet to boot) and to begin my broadcasting career on the QVC shopping channel. Au Revoir and Je Ne Regrette Rien.”